I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
