i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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