I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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