I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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