Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
