I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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