I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what day is it and did you see me today?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
