I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
