The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
