did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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