she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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