just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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