So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
