Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
