Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
