forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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