I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
