Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize