It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
