I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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