I swear she didn't look like that last week.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we made out on top of his cat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
