I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Even my vagina gasped.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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