i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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