He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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