I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
