My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
