she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
