Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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