can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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