I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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