My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
