Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
