If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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