too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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