By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
