i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
