So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
