I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
