I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
