Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
