i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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