Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
