When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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