just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
