You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
