In America we eat man semen.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
