ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
