I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
