At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
