my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
