So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
