WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
