So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
