Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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