i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize