I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
