His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
