Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
