end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
