i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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