Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This baby is an asshole
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
