..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
