i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
