awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's the barista slut.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
