I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
