i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
