Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said her name was "party"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
