On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
