She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
