It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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