this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
