Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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