I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
