If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
