It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
