I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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