why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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